May 24, 2009
We were planning on having a few people over this weekend, and I warily extended an invitation to a friend, G, whom I haven’t seen in awhile. I say warily, because the last two invitations I’d extended to this friend were refused and I happen to have a three strikes and you’re out rule.
The rule is born out of the idea that if I invite you three times and you don’t come over any of those times, I take the hint and figure you really don’t want to hang out with me and quit inviting you. Nothing feels worse than someone who doesn’t get the hint and keeps inviting you, at least that’s what I figure.
But some of my friends have a different take on it, like C.
C and I ran into each other at Octoberfest and I was so happy to see her, and perplexed by how happy she acted upon seeing me since she hadn’t come to any of my get-togethers for three times and had been removed from the invite list. I figured she didn’t really like my parties, but perhaps enjoyed seeing me at a neutral location. I began to contemplate what it was about my parties that made her uncomfortable. Did I serve bad food? Was it my other friends she didn’t like? Did she feel trapped when she was at my parties but here at Octoberfest knew she could make any easy escape when I began to grate on her nerves?
Suddenly, while I was contemplating this, C blurted out, “Why wasn’t I invited to your last party?”
“I figured you didn’t want to come since you hadn’t attended several of my other parties.”
“I was busy the other times.”
“Then you should have just come.”
“I didn’t find out about it until after.”
C looked so sad, and I felt so sad.
“Okay, you are reinstated to the list.”
So when we had a major get-together recently, that G didn’t attend, and C came, all my other friends were gushing over her.
“Where have you been?”
“I got taken off the invite list and had to confront Diane.”
Everyone was like, “You know Diane has a 3 strike rule, what were
you thinking?”
“I can’t have a life beyond Diane apparently,” C answered, I think she was going for ironic but it came out sarcastic.
Everyone turned to me and I shrugged my shoulders.
I think the whole conversation was said in complete love for my arbitrary
social rules, not a hint at all that I should maybe change the rules.
So I was nervous this week when I extended the invite to G, because I really like G and don’t want to think that maybe I’m bugging with all my invites. Luckily she said yes, but has yet to actually show up.
How does an acceptance of an invitation but a no-show play into my social rules?
I’m not sure. I need to check my rule book.
This week I will accept that my social rules may be arbitrary, but they help me make sense of this thing called a social life.
