Burning Off The Fat, Literally
June 7, 2009
Burning Off The Fat, Literally
It was such a beautiful Saturday over the Memorial Day weekend that I put on my swim suit and laid out in the sun. Many of you, especially those of you who see me frequently, are aware of my skin dilemmas. You have heard me ask whether or not there is such a thing as laser surgery for arms, chest and legs to get rid of wrinkles and how much do you think that might cost. Or maybe you don’t see me often but laid out with me during the 80’s with only baby oil for sun protection and are wondering why was I laying out? I can only answer, for the same reason I eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast, because it makes me feel good.
I did put on sunscreen, SPF 4 thank you very much. Only 4, you ask. Remember, 4 is huge for a girl who laid on top of aluminum foil on her roof drenched in butter. And I thought I was carefully applying SPF 4 to all areas of exposed skin, until later that afternoon when areas of my body were bright red. Weird areas of my body, like the insides of my thighs, the little pouch of fat that has gathered to the side of my breasts but below my arm pit, and my love handles.
You know how sun burns go. They hurt for awhile, then they itch for awhile, then they peel for awhile. So I had awhile to contemplate why these specific areas burned. How had I missed putting sunscreen on there?
I have to admit that I think I have a really good shape for my 43 years. Sure, that shape upon close inspection has the same surface as cottage cheese, but just keep your distance and you won’t get nauseated. I also have to admit, I’m nearsighted.
Each morning I stumble to my shower, get dressed then put in my contacts. Each evening I wash my face, take out my contacts then change into my pajamas. Needless to say, part of the reason I probably think I look really good for my age is that I only see myself naked through my 20/100 vision. It’s nice, really, like those wedding pictures you have that have a frosted look to them.
But with certain areas of my body burning bright red then itching then peeling, it was more difficult to ignore them. So I came up with a theory. I think I thought these areas didn’t really exist therefore they did not need sunscreen.
I ignore, therefore it doesn’t exist.
In my well-planned life to preserve my well-defined self-image, I have created lots of methods for creating a reality I like, one in which I still look like a 17 year old with my bikini on, I have hardly any sun damage to my skin, at least not so much that it matters, and eating chocolate chip cookies has nothing to do with my expanding waist line, someone shrunk my pants in the dryer.
So I began to think that laying out was a good idea, because I’m sure that not only did a layer of skin peel off, but some fat went with it. My thighs actually look a little thinner and my pouch and love handles seem to have diminished since the burn. I may have found the secret to being thin, burning the fat away with the sun.
Or I may need a new prescription for my contacts. Whatever.
This week I will enjoy sunshine and chocolate cookies and poor eye sight – in moderation.