Diane Mierzwik

October 4, 2009

I am the first to admit that I am emotionally stunted - as in laughing at poop jokes, feeling hurt over someone’s not gushing when she sees me, and wallowing in self-reflection emotional maturity. But, you have to admit, admitting it is rather mature of me.

Anyway, lately I’ve been really working on becoming a mature emotional person. At least that is what my sponsor keeps telling me I’m working on, and I guess if you’re told something enough times, you begin to believe it.

So, as these really wonderful challenges have come into my life, I have been putting them into wonderful perspective.

Isn’t it wonderful I left a job where I could shut my door and run my own ship and have two weeks off at Christmas and eight weeks off during the summer to work for a lunatic? It is so wonderful that I am learning to play with others and creating healthy boundaries and even talking to a workman comp lawyer because without this wonderful choice, I may not have met this slightly pudgy man who has my back, for a small fee.

And isn’t it wonderful that I decided to begin a business when I have no business sense at all. Actually I’m the type of person who would rather get an F on an assignment in speech class rather than pretend to ask how much a haircut is because if you have to ask, you shouldn’t be getting your haircut in the first place. That is my motto so having a business and collecting money from people who don’t want to give it to me out of the goodness of their hearts has presented a problem for me and my business. But it is wonderful that I have learned this about myself and will not venture into any more businesses until excitement amnesia sets in again and I decide that this time I will be able to charge people for my services.

And isn’t it wonderful that I have once again committed to a half-marathon because the last one was so wonderful getting up at 4 am to catch a bus to wait an hour and a half to dodge people for 13.2 miles, but I did get a gorgeous medal that I think I want buried with me. Actually, yes, I want all my Cross Country and track and 5K and 10K and my new collection of half-marathon (It’s not a collection yet but it is so wonderful that I believe it will be some day) medals buried with me when I die. The children can have the jewelry. It’s so wonderful that I have my medals to look forward to in the afterlife.

You see, I know I am learning a great deal about myself in all these wonderful events. So last night’s dream made perfect sense.

I was standing on a beach watching the waves. One wave crested and I saw a school of fish and thought, there is something to be learned in that. The next wave crested and I saw a big glob of seaweed and thought, there is something to be learned in that. The next wave crested and I saw a crusty piece of fried chicken floating in it and thought, there is something to be learned in that. I admit, I felt a bit perplexed by the mammoth wing of fried chicken floating in that wave, but my faith in the lessons of the waves held firm.

The next wave, though, didn’t so much crest as it loomed, being a tidal wave. I stood on the beach and peered up into it. I did not think there was something to be learned in that wave. Instead, I contemplated how long I was going to need to hold my breath to come out the other side of it.

So that is what I’m doing – holding my breath and waiting for blue skies and seagulls to greet me on the other side. Perhaps there, I will find emotional maturity.

How wonderful!

This week I will admit when I am overwhelmed, hold my breath and survive.