March 14, 2010
At my recent tax appointment, my tax man dropped this piece of wisdom on me, “You get to a certain age, look around and think, ‘Yeah, this is good enough.’ Then life becomes easier.”
So I started looking around because I’m all about life being easier. Maybe I’m of a certain age. And I thought, yeah, this is good enough.
Well, I thought that, then I thought, but having someone around to cook me dinner each night would make things better than good enough. I tried to talk my mother-in-law into moving in and had visions of home cooked dinners most nights of the week. I didn’t tell her this. I tried to sell her on the idea of not being lonely. She worried my obnoxious dogs would knock her down every time she went outside. At least that is what she said to my face. She’s pretty smart, maybe she saw through my plans.
So, I stop and get take out, unless my husband is getting home early enough to cook.
Then the other morning, I looked around and thought, yeah, this is good enough, but what would make it better would be a bed partner who knew how to cuddle without groping. Yes, ladies, twenty-four years of marriage and still I’m usually on the defense when it’s cuddle time in bed.
Then today, as I was folding laundry, I thought, yeah, this is good enough, but having someone to do the laundry would definitely make it better.
Obviously it is not good enough if I keep thinking it would be better if only… So, I wondered how could I get to good enough. I needed someone to cook dinner each night, cuddle without groping and do the laundry. It dawned on me – I need a Russian Wife.
Really, how expensive can a Russian wife be? An airplane flight from Russia on Lufthansa Airlines is only $462. A marriage license in California is only $45. There is plenty of room in my house, so there is no expense there. Bread and vodka are cheap, right?
So I got on my email and waited for one of those great messages telling me there is a Russian wife waiting for me. Anastasia sent a nice email telling me “I wait for you”.
I wanted to open the email, not because I wanted to see what Anastasia looked like – if she does laundry, cooks dinner and it’s dark while we’re cuddling – who cares. It was more about wondering what the fees were and how long before she got here.
Then I remembered an email I opened years ago that seemed harmless enough. But, it was filled with fists and body orifices that still make me flinch today.
Plus, I asked Bill for a divorce – just on paper, and he said no. But he did promise to cook an extra night this week, put away his laundry and try not to grope too much. And he gave me that puppy-dog eyed smile and I thought, yeah, life is good enough.
This week I will appreciate my Polish husband rather than wish for a Russian wife.
