How the Lottery Ruined My Life

October 3, 2010

I’ve noticed that on one of my cable channels, there have been marathons of the show “How the Lottery Ruined My Life.” I’m imagining that with the down economy it is the channel’s effort at reminding us that money does not buy happiness. Yet, I can’t help but play the lottery, despite these shows … and yes, the lottery has ruined my life, even if I haven’t won …yet.

So, here are the ways the lottery has ruined my life.

1. When I am down to that last dollar in my wallet and I have to decide between a bag of Peanut M&M’s or a chance for millions, I inevitably choose the lottery ticket, which barely makes a good book mark the next morning after I realize I didn’t win, again. Whereas, if I had bought the peanut M&M’s, the package, when pressed smooth, makes an excellent book mark, and I could have enjoyed the endorphins released in my brain from eating chocolate, but no, I gambled on being rich, and ended up being poorer than when I started. Besides, Peanut M&M’s go better with the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream I bought that left me only a dollar in my wallet to begin with. Yes, the lottery has ruined my life.

2. When I realize I have an extra dollar in my wallet and decide to buy a lottery ticket, the inevitable question is “Do you want Super Lotto or Mega Millions?” and I never know how to answer, not wanting to seem greedy and only ask for Mega Millions because, admit it, it does sound better than something that’s only super. So I stare blankly at the clerk who then prompts me with “Do you want the one for tonight?” I nod my head thinking I have fooled the lottery gods into thinking that I NEVER play, because we all know those are the only people who ever win, or at least who ever get press, but actually I have only irritated the clerk with my ignorance which has created bad energy for the selection of the numbers and then I never win. So I end up being a dollar poorer and feeling stupid. Yes, the lottery has ruined my life.

3. But, mostly the lottery has ruined my life because I keep playing and never winning. My life would be so much better if I were rich. Forget those shows, actually, no, pay attention to those shows, because they are instructive. For instance, from watching those shows I know that if I win the lottery to just kiss my family goodbye, not to make any new friends and to invest, not spend. Duh! The lottery has ruined my life because I would be so much happier if I would only win.

So, the lottery had ruined my life, but my life has yet to ruin the lottery.

This week I will budget my money so I have enough for a lottery ticket and Peanut M&Ms.

About Diane Mierzwik