January 22, 2012
Okay, so I don’t want a bigger bone than I can handle, but just this week, after days and days of opening rejections letters, I prayed, “Please, at least throw me a bone.”
Yeah, just a bone to hold me over.
Joseph Campbell tells us to follow our bliss, then someone ingenious wrote a book about how if you follow your bliss, money will follow. I wish I had written that book, because following my bliss, though making me blissful, also makes me hungry and cold and home-bound, since I don’t have the money to buy food, pay the utility bills, or fill the gas tank.
So, I compromise, I work then I write, then I work, then I write. While I’m working I lament that I am trading my time for money. While I’m writing I’m tortured by the thought that I could be out doing something that actually makes me money.
And then I wonder if I shouldn’t just give up on that whole bliss thing anyway. It seems a bit overrated when you’re staring down at your toe peaking through the hole in your shoes.
At one of my motivational workshops I learned that the divine has given me my dreams and it is a lack of faith not to follow those dreams. But lately it’s felt like I am walking through the valley of the shadow of many rejections. Yeah, I know I’m not alone and if I knew who was walking right beside me…who is walking right beside me, I would not fear anything – and still. It’s been one of those weeks.
Friday, before 8 am I got a rejection notice for one of my essays. Then by 9 am – another. At the end of the day, I also was notified that my book proposal – though sure others would feel differently – wasn’t the right fit for this particular agent. I just wish these agents who are so sure they are wrong would introduce me to the agent who will feel differently.
My best writing buddy reminds me all the time that each “no” is one step closer to a “yes.” I just wonder if that isn’t like saying each brownie is one step closer to my running ten miles.
I’m afraid that God thinks I’m a chiwawa when I think I’m a great dane. I want a bone fit for a great dane.
And, my prayers were answered today. I was accepted into a pretigious writing workshop to study with my writing idol.
And, though it isn’t a book contract for my latest manuscript, it is a wonderful opportunity to read, write, commune and learn from other writers, and a time to follow my bliss.
This week I will be resolute in following the dreams I have been given by the divine.
